Funny Stuff...

I have a funny family.  My husband has a dry, sarcastic, very smart humor that has made me laugh since the day I met him 22 years ago.  I can recognize funny, but I don't usually have funny stuff coming out of me...unless it's completely by accident.  The writing is on the wall--our kids are going to be funny too. Our annual vacation is the one time a year when we get to have all 6 of us hang out together 24/7, and after everyone gets into relaxed, vacation mode, we laugh the entire time.  I look forward to that all year.  This year, I put an app on my phone so I could note the "funnies" as they happened.  I have to share with you:

**Our first night in Fremont, there was a VERY intoxicated Santa with a nasty beard doing a funky dance on the "dance floor".  He was feeling pretty good, and my children were watching with varying stages of shock, disgust, and a little bit of pity on their faces.  My husband leaned over to me and said, "Everyone says you're not supposed to smoke, drink, or do drugs, but look at Santa--he looks pretty good for 80 years old."  "Yeah, too bad he's 40."  Ba-dum-bum.  That was my one good response all week.

**When waiting for two of our kids to arrive via zipline, my daughters and I were standing near the arrival spot which just happened to be near a photo-op booth containing 2 Chippendales-ish men doing their best to charm every woman walking by.  My boy-crazy16 year old contained herself longer than I imagined before busting out with, "A man in a bow-tie, no shirt, and cuffs...that's my type."  Lord.  We're in trouble.

**We kept walking along, running into spaces where the air just smelled NASTY for a few feet or so, then it would go right back to normal.  My daughter made a comment and then one second later, my husband commented on these little spots of stink.  He nicknamed them "Shitghosts" because it was literally like walking through a smelly, nasty being for 2 seconds that would immediately disappear.  I am sorry to report that Vegas is full of Shitghosts.  I still love it.
**Our first night in town, we went out to dinner after sweating to death for about 5 hours.  Someone made a comment about how low-maintenance my son was--how he didn't ask for anything or have any major needs.  Without missing a beat, he leaned forward, put his chin on his hands and said, "Tell me I'm pretty."  He is.  We did.
**We were talking at dinner one night about how cool it would be if we could afford to take all 6 of us to a big show like Celine Dion, Bette Midler, or Elton John.  My oldest made a comment about how much she loved Elton John and how she loved that he was so flamboyant.  Our 15 year old says, "Wait, Elton John is gay?"  We all (including her younger brother) stared at her. 

**One of the highlights of our trip was visiting a good friend of mine that I have known since we were in middle school.  He has been nothing but welcoming of us whenever we come to Vegas, and while I have always loved him, I have come to adore his partner as well--they are good people through and through.  While visiting one day, he commented that he had used my (mom's) tanning lamp in high school and gotten a sunburn from it. (Backstory:  When I found this little gem in the 80's, I cleared out my walk-in closet, hung the lamp from a dowel, and made a comfy spot that my friends could use to come tan--sometimes they fell asleep.)  In response to his question, without even thinking about it, I asked him "Oh, were you in the closet?"  Then I kind of wanted to die for a second until he said, "Uh, yeah" and we all bust out laughing.  My dear friend, I adore you and everything you bring into our lives.  Never change.

On a side note:  my second-born got her drivers license today.  This makes me both terrified and elated.  On one hand:  someone to buy creamer after my bra is off for the day.  On the other hand:  the rest of the humans who now share the road with another one of my precious babies.  My kids are good drivers--trust me, if they weren't, I wouldn't set them free out there.  There are a lot of questionable people on the road who are not as careful, who spend more time looking at the phone in their hand than out the windshield (adults as well as kids--Quit texting while driving!!).  That makes me feel pretty helpless and 3 years after the oldest got her license, I assure you I never completely exhale until I know they are safely where they are supposed to be.  I swear it was only yesterday that they were begging me for dress up clothes and magic wands made from my wooden spoons.  Hug your babies and enjoy every minute of the kid chaos because soon it will be your turn to stand in line at the hardware store buying your teen her own key for the car. 

May you all enjoy a week without Shitghosts.