My Milkshake (part deux)

Day 5:  Woke up down 8 lbs. and was told by a friend that I have no ass.  Still did my shake day as recommended, felt strong, but feeling like I needed to curb the weight loss.

Day 6:  Day in Seattle planned with the kids.  Woke up and just knew I was done.  I will not allow myself to lose anymore, I feel like I accomplished what I wanted to, and I don't feel bad about being done.  Texted my "cleanse buddy" and learned she had already had breakfast and coffee, so we were on the same page.

I will do this again.  I felt good, I felt strong, and I feel like the benefits far outweighed the taste of the vanilla shake.   I think I will wait until January and do it again for 5 days when we get back from Vegas.  That was perfect.

Until then, my friend and I will be working diligently on a cleanse program that allows for coffee and wine.  We're gonna make millions.

My milkshake

Disclaimer 1:  The word “cleanse” grosses me out.  It makes me think things about a person that I just shouldn’t know. It’s TMI.  Please know that when I say cleanse, I am referring to my gut AND my liver AND my skin AND just everything.  This is not a story about poo, I promise.

Disclaimer 2:  I have several friends and clients who use, distribute, and swear-by many different cleansing products.  This is not a commercial for any one brand, and it is not a slam to the brands I didn’t choose. This is about me.

I have tried cleansing a few times with good intentions and very little willpower.  My husband had done the “Master Cleanse” a few times before we met with great results.  He had a few pounds to lose (hard to believe when you look at him now) and he not only lost the weight, but regained his energy and felt positively glow-y by the end.  Several years ago, I was feeling sluggish and wanted to jumpstart my bod back into shape.  I decided to try the Master Cleanse over spring break.  I was going to need (ahem) quick access to a bathroom so it would be the perfect week to be home and take care of the kids and myself at the same time.  What I didn’t consider was that I had 4 children under the age of 10 who counted on me to provide breakfast, lunch, and dinner that week.  That’s a lot of time to be around food when you aren’t eating any.  Have you ever counted how many food commercials are on TV over the course of the day?  Many.  It was tough.  6pm rolled around and hubby came home from work.  I made my decision and waved at my man lovingly as I walked out the back door to go buy a cheeseburger with all the fixins.  My second try lasted 3 days, and I made it 5 days on the third and final attempt.  Each time I tried, I felt like crap, I was starving the whole time and it just didn’t make me feel like I did something good for my body.  It has worked for many (Beyonce anyone?) but it is NOT for me.

Fast forward 10 years or so, and I start itching to try something new.  Granted, I’m only 5 lbs over the goal weight that I have maintained for the last 2 years, but it’s not just about the weight.  I feel puffy and toxic, and my skin is not cooperating.  I also see myself falling back into old food habits, and the upward trend on the scale is starting to make me feel a little anxious.  I wanted to reboot and start fresh.  I did some research, and made my decision.  I bought my stuff, and started 4 days ago.  Here goes:

Day 1:  2 shakes as meal replacements, and a light dinner.  A few approved snacks in between, lots of vitamins.  I feel great and have tons of energy.  No coffee, so I anticipated a headache, but nothing.

Day 2:  Same menu, same results.  My one complaint?  Everything tastes sweet:  chocolate, vanilla, berry.  Will someone please market a fiber/protein bar that tastes like cheetos or popcorn?

Day 3: First deep cleanse day means no solid food except a few of their approved snacks.  I drink a detoxifying “shot” 4 times a day, tons of vitamins, and lots of water.  Surprisingly, I feel great, still have a lot of energy, and I’m not even a little bit hungry.  That being said, I miss food.  I miss chewing and flavor.  I went to bed very early so I didn’t have to smell the deliciousness happening downstairs at dinnertime.   

Day 4: Second cleanse day I still feel fine and not really hungry, but the whole “I love food” part of me is REALLY anticipating dinner tomorrow.  Food with a fork--Heavenly!  

 

I have 5 shake days to go, then 2 more cleanse days...

 

Results so far:  My skin is clearing up, my tongue is getting pinker and I feel better.  I didn't do the measurements thing--I just don't care.  If my jeans fit better, then I'm happy.  I do know I am down 6 lbs. and probably will stay right around there for the remainder.  Perfect, that’s really about all I was after as far as my weight goes.  I’m a tall girl with hips, a rack and broad shoulders and I lose weight in my face so today's "thin" is tomorrow's "cadaver".  I have to be careful. Plus, people comment.  I don't need to hear that. 

Side Note:  Why do people think it is okay to comment on the bodies of others?  Here’s the rule I follow:  If it’s not attached to my body, I must shut the hell up.  Feel free to share that one.

 

Another Side Note:  In writing this, I started ranting about body issues...specifically mine.  I erased it all because I'm not ready for that rabbit hole.  Maybe another day.

 

I am heading off to a function tonight where the food and wine will be in abundance.  I will take my (2 quarter sized) snacks with me and resist the rest..  I have another week to go and I am going to finish this beeyotch.

 

To be continued...

 

All the things

So we did the move today.  My daughter is now in her apartment and SO happy about it!  After the big push was over, everyone else left and I stayed behind to help her do the fun chores like putting away her clothes and making her bed.  She made a very innocent comment that really hit me in my core.  I was putting her clothes in the closet organizer and commenting at how many things she had that I didn't recognize.  It kind of surprised me because I didn't realize she had such an expansive wardrobe.  She said, "Yeah, it's kind of cool to finally have all my stuff in one place." 

Boom. 
You could have knocked me over with a feather.

Her father and I separated 13 years ago, so she has split her time evenly between her dad's house and mine ever since.  We live very near each other to keep the transition easy for the girls, and it just always made sense to make sure they had full wardrobes at each house so they never had to pack a bag to go back and forth.  Of course, this spilled over into other items as well.  After all this time, we had really fallen into a comfortable rhythm, and I guess I got lazy.  I stopped thinking about what it means to live in two houses.  Sure, she got even time with both parents, but she also had to be constantly mindful about her schedule, her needs, and what was where.  She just rolled with it because she didn't really have a choice in the matter.  This constant planning will end for her now, and the relief that has to bring to her makes me want to cry.  In fact, that touches my heart nearly as much as the fact that my daughter doesn't live here anymore. 

It's kind of humbling to remember that  I am 43 years old, and I'm still figuring this s*&^ out every day.

Turn and Face The Strange...

So, it's actually happening.  My oldest child, my "baby girl", my firstborn is flying the coop...leaving the nest...abandoning me in my advancing years...

Too much?

Yeah, I'm actually pretty excited for her.  I remember the first time I lived on my own.  I was 18, and I moved in with two other girls in a town about an hour away from where I grew up.  One roommate was my very bestest friend and the other had been her roommate elsewhere for awhile and had a few...issues.  She also had an AWESOME closet full of clothes which we borrowed regularly...usually without permission.  I justified this as her payment to me for all the damages my lungs suffered from exposure to her Aussie Sprunch Spray addiction.  She had some impressive bangs.

We were slobs and did dumb stuff but man did we have fun.  We couldn't afford eating out, but going to dessert was doable...if we split it.  We "wallpapered" the kitchen with contact paper once out of boredom, and it was like Christmas the day we got a microwave.  We feasted on microwaveable dinners and microwaveable popcorn that night.  If it could go in the microwave, we nuked it. 
Good times. 

I learned some life lessons from those months:

*I learned that your first roommate is going to impress themselves on your heart for the rest of your life.

*I was never as poor in my whole life (before or since) as I was for the first 6 months I lived on my own so I learned to budget and be creative.

*I was alone a lot in new situations so I learned to suck it up, face my fears, and do what needed to be done.

*I learned that sometimes you have to kill your own spiders.

*I learned that you never have as much toilet paper at home as you think you do, so it's always best to grab a few more rolls.

*I learned that some roommates (especially those with big bangs) don't like it when you label your food in an attempt to keep them from eating it, which led me to my next discovery:

*When a steak is dropped in the "dead zone" between the fridge and the stove, you can just wash it off and serve it to unsuspecting others and they won't die.

Yep.  We did.

So to my adorable offspring, you are embarking on a journey that you will never forget or regret.  You will surprise yourself with your strength, courage, and creativity.  You will make memories to last a lifetime, and you will probably run out of toilet paper. 

You will survive it all and you will be a better person for it.  You make me proud kiddo. 

motivation

Motivation?  I have none.  I have dwindled down to running only 2 or so miles at a time maybe 3 times a week...if I'm lucky.  Sometimes only twice.  Yes, that's 4 miles a week.  4 miles a week will not allow me to eat what I want and still button my jeans, people.  I need some inspiration.  I have combed through Pinterest, pinning motivational posters of skinny people in cute running clothes at sunrise.  Getting up early to run outside with the sun only happens a few months out of the year in my neck of the woods.  I know this, I appreciate this.  Sadly, I sleep through this.  I started running after work a few times a week because I had time to run and shower before hubby came home.  Then other stuff started getting in the way of that.  Then I just got lazy.  I really like sitting on my chair playing Candy Crush Saga and watching Bravo.  (yes, simultaneously...those housewives don't need to be watched--just listened to). 


I need to get motivated again.  I need to remember I'm worth it...again.  I need to know that the time I'm putting in will come back to me in muscle tone, endorphins, and a flat tummy for the summer.   Okay, and probably more years on the planet.  Right now though, it's a month until vacation and the flat tummy at the pool beats more bingo at age 88. 

Dammit.  I guess I'm running tomorrow.  I better go stream some Nike ads.

My latest obsession

Waaaaay back in 2007, Amazon launched their new product, The Kindle.  I have always been a voracious reader, and my husband recognized that this would the perfect gift for me.  We had just begun traveling several times a year, and he was tired of helping me lug around 4-5 library books on each trip.  He paid a small fortune, we were put on a waiting list, and 4 weeks later my Kindle arrived in a very fancy box with lots of cords and instructions.  The original Kindle worked off of cell service, because in 2007, wi-fi was only available in those pesky "hotspots".  I LOVED my Kindle, it traveled everywhere with me and I used it all the time. 

Fast-forward to 2012.  My Kindle is now limping along on it's after-market replacement battery that I could only find on Ebay.  Downloading a book requires standing in the south-western corner of my living room with the Kindle actually touching the wall, and even then I had to be standing on one foot with my arm in the air and a mind full of positive energy.  Meanwhile, daughter #2 had gotten a new Kindle Fire which made my original Kindle look like an Etch-A-Sketch.  I resisted for about a year, but when Amazon made the Fire practically free one day during my birthday week, I succumbed.

This time it's different though:  I have had my new Kindle for 2 months now and I have yet to read a book on it.  I have been a "Prime" member for years, and decided to take advantage of the ability to stream shows.  I started with "Downton Abbey", which led me to "Upstairs Downstairs".  (the new one from 2 years ago--it's excellent!)  I watched every episode of every season from beginning to end whenever I wanted and it was free. I wish I could go back in time and tell 13-year-old me that this was going to be available in the future. A friend asked me if I had ever seen "Friday Night Lights".  Um, no.  That's football...Me no likey football.  "Try it" she said.  She has a good track record of being right so one night I turned on the first episode.  Kyle Chandler is cute, Connie Britton has fabulous hair, okay let's move on to the next one.  That was 5 seasons ago.  I will not admit how long (or rather how NOT long) it took me to watch all 74 episodes of this show, but the word "obsessive" does not begin to touch it.  I loved the characters, the casting was spot-on, and the storylines were so well-written.  I finished it last night at 11:50 and promptly went into mourning.  I may have to watch it again but with hubby this time. 

But first, I think I had better read a book.

No mas.

I was feeling a little old last week. 

I recently went on a trip with two friends who have small children.  Lots of the talk centered around babies, breastfeeding, potty training, and more breastfeeding.  For the first time, it was very obvious to me how far removed I am from that stage of life. Instead of feeling nostalgic, it all felt very foreign-- almost like that time in my life happened to someone else.  It was very weird to think that my life once revolved around my daughters' very basic needs: when she would eat, how much she ate, when she would sleep, what ended up in the diaper, and when would I have a chance to take a freaking nap and shower, for the love of God?!  It was kind of fun to listen to their talk and know that my "baby" can drive herself to school and lets me sleep through the night.  I have loved every stage that they have gone through...okay, that's a lie--a few of them kind of sucked at times.  I guess I can say that I "appreciate" every stage they have gone through because these are some awesome kids living in our house.  They are kind, they are funny as hell, and I like spending time with them.  I think they will go on to be pleasant adults who will raise more good people and that's important.  Now that the oldest is nearly 20, and the youngest is chomping at the bit to start drivers ed, I am becoming more aware that my future baby experiences are going to be as "Grandma". 

That's weird.